


These Stars Bleed Red

by uggghhhhsrsly



Category: Bucky Barnes - Fandom, Marvel, Winter Soldier - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Swearing, domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 11:09:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15435768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uggghhhhsrsly/pseuds/uggghhhhsrsly
Summary: An abusive relationship is hidden by Bucky Barnes' best friend and he wants to do everything he can to get her out of it.





	These Stars Bleed Red

The intense impact of the wall made my chest feel like it was collapsing. My head spun like a carousel, my eyes unable to find traction to steady themselves. I knew, deep down, that something was wrong but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything about it. I was scared and afraid. The invincible girl inside of me shrieked to fight back, but I couldn’t do anything to help myself. I couldn’t bring myself to defend against my worst fear. Everything was easier when I took what was offered. Everything was easier when I didn’t fight even when everything inside of me screamed to do the opposite.   
“You know, you do this to yourself,” the man behind me growled. “I wouldn’t have to hurt you if you wouldn’t walk out of this house dressed like a whore. I wouldn’t have to hurt you if you would stop whoring around with every person you fucking meet.” His hand found its way to the back of my neck. I felt my hair rip out of my scalp as my body hit the ground. “I need to teach you a fucking lesson.” Paralysis seeped through my limbs, nailing me to the floor as I waited for the rest to come. I had already suffered through one beating this week; I could handle another. I was capable of handling another. He grabbed my shirt and I was brought face-to-face with my monster. I would never understand what I did to make Paul, my boyfriend, act this way. I would never understand what I did to make him this way. “What do you not understand about dressing like a slut at work? You work in an office! There’s no fucking reason for you to walk around in slutty fucking dresses!”  
I felt spit splatter onto my face as Paul shouted at me. I managed to say, “I-I’m sorry, I won’t do it again…” I wanted the Paul that I loved back. Up until a few months ago, he had never acted like this to me. He had never touched me in anger. I know I must have done something to trigger this behavior. I caused this.“I’ll get other clothing, Paul, I swear.” There was pressure on my throat that began to crush my windpipe. I couldn’t breathe and tears began to brim in my eyes. I couldn’t see.  
“You fucking better, you slut,” he insulted, throwing me back to the ground. I gasped for air, but I was quickly wishing that the moment had never ended. His fists made their way into my ribs and thighs creating bruises from hate instead of love, how they are meant to be. “Until you got that fucking job, I knew you could never cheat on me. But you keep spending hours upon hours at that fucking building doing who knows what. For all I know you’re fucking Captain America in the copy room.” I began to cry. I knew that I should quit my job and find a different one, but that place was the only place that I felt like I had friends. I felt like I had a family. “I trusted you, you stupid whore. You’re mine and you will never, ever leave me.” He had isolated me from everybody I knew except for the people at work.   
Paul left me in the hallway. The front door slammed and I knew that as much as I deserved this, I couldn’t stay here anymore. I pulled myself up from the floor and limped my way into the bathroom, flicking on the light. Staring at myself in the mirror was like looking at another person. My black hair was disheveled and uneven where he had ripped some of it out of my skull. My mascara ran down my face staining my cheeks with black lines. Bruises on my neck were beginning to form when Paul cut off my oxygen and the one around my eye was still prominent, but beginning to fade. I didn’t even want to look under my shirt. I couldn’t get myself to see the damage.  
I didn’t have much time. Paul would be back any time now and I wouldn’t be able to escape when he came back. I did my best to cover the marks with makeup; I was nearly out from covering up all of the other marks that had been bestowed upon me. I quickly threw together a bag for a few nights at the office which included some of my blankets and a pillow before grabbing my car keys and escaping to my office for the night.   
Paul could easily follow me. He alienated me from all of my previous friends so I had nowhere to go. The Avengers’ Office was the only place I could go and it wasn’t like I could tell anyone there about Paul. I kept it a secret because I don’t need a bunch of superheroes - especially Bucky Barnes - on my ass to handle Paul. I could do it before and I can do it now. If anyone there found out, it wouldn’t be up to me anymore. I can’t even describe what would happen if Bucky found out. It’d be nuclear warfare level - possibly worse than the Civil War - and he’s been in an actual war. The last thing I wanted was the Winter Soldier making an appearance into my personal life.  
I parked at the very top of the employee parking lot so hopefully my car would get lost in the sea of vehicles and Paul would have to look harder to know that I was here for sure. I hauled my bag to my office as quietly as I could so I wouldn’t draw attention to myself. I closed the door and shut the blinds in the windows before turning on the light. I would need to change eventually though, which means making it to the bathroom. I organized all of my stuff onto my little couch before walking barefoot towards the bathroom with some clothes in my hand.   
“Hey, what are you doing here so late?” Steve asked, catching up to me and matching his pace with mine.  
“I, uh, I just had some stuff I needed to work on for tomorrow,” I lied.   
“That doesn’t sound like you,” he murmured. He was right. I was notoriously famous for always completing my work a week ahead of time which is why I spent most of my time at the office. “Aren’t you always ahead?”  
“Did I say tomorrow?” I covered. I can’t mess this up. “I meant to say next week. Sorry, it’s just been a long night.” I yawned, pretending like work was the only thing on my mind.  
“Do you want me to send Bucky over to your office? I know he’s been wanting to see you, something about how you’re a sight for sore eyes,” Steve joked. I rolled my eyes. Bucky was always trying to compliment me.“But seriously, he hasn’t been able to keep his mouth shut about you.”   
“No!” I shouted a little too quickly. Cap narrowed his eyes with confusion. I always wanted to see him. “Not tonight. There’s a lot of work I need to do and I won’t have time to do any of it with Bucky hovering around my desk.” Steve just nodded with a concerned look on his face that flashed from my face to the clothes trapped in my hand. Bucky was the closest thing I had to a best friend and the fact I didn’t want to see him was probably raising suspicion, along with a change of clothes.   
“Okay, I won’t send him over,” he agreed. His eyes left the balled up clothes. Suspicion touched the man’s face, but he didn't push for answers. “Have a good night.”   
I jetted into the bathroom hoping I wouldn’t run into Natasha or Wanda. I didn’t need to be grilled about my behavior by a spy and a witch. When I pulled my shirt off, I realized how bad the damage was. Black and blue bruises covered my ribs and stomach leaving me to cover my mouth to hold back the tears. I let out a small scream at the sight, barely recognizing my own body. I was what Paul wanted me to be: a punching bag. What had I done to deserve this? Tears spilled down my cheeks smearing my foundation. I didn’t bring what I needed to fix it. I kept my head down as I made my way back to my office. I turned on my computer to make it look like I was working before grabbing a comfort book off my shelves. I moved some of my stuff here when things with Paul started to go downhill. It was my only safe space.   
My door opened as I was walked across the room, scaring me. Paul found me. He found me and I was going to get a beating like no other. When I turned my head, I could breathe again but my heart stayed pounding in my chest.   
“I came to see you,” Bucky murmured. I watched as his eyes took in my pajamas, but he lingered on my neck. He knew. He could see them. He would ask questions and they were questions I wasn’t ready to answer. “I needed to see you.” I had to make him leave. I had to figure out something, no matter how much I ached for him to hold me. He looked towards the couch where my blankets were set up and I felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest.   
“I thought I told Steve to not send you here,” I said, with some edge to my voice. It hurt me to be angry with him when I wasn’t even really angry. I loved him more than anything in the world, I just couldn’t let him see this.   
“He did,” Bucky replied cautiously, “but I came anyway.” He closed the door slowly behind him. His head was cocked to the side and he asked, “Do you not want to see me?”  
“No, Bucky. I don’t want to see you right now,” I choked out. “Honestly, I don’t want to see you for a while.”  
“What do you mean?” he asked, eyes wide. My heart broke. He came to me when he had to talk about his PTSD and his nightmares. We worked for so long on getting him to separate his real personality from the Winter Soldier. I was stripping away his safety in order to stay in my head. I was sacrificing any progress he had made after being in cryofreeze so I could keep up with my lie.  
“Leave,” I demanded, trying to sound as angry as I could. It was so hard to act angry with him. I spent so much time helping him heal that I could see the regression in his body language. “Bucky, I’m fucking serious. I don’t want to see you right now or even…”  
“Okay,” he whispered. I could see the hurt in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I won’t come around again.” He turned, pulling the door open and leaving. I collapsed onto my couch, burying my head in my pillows. I dropped the book onto the floor to curl up into a ball.  
I sobbed for hours. I pushed away the closest person I had in my life and he may never forgive me. I pushed away the one person I truly loved because I can’t come to terms with my situation. I refuse to get help. I loved Bucky, in more ways than one no matter how much I hesitated to mention it. I’ve loved him for much longer than I had even been with Paul, but Paul was what I deserved. I couldn’t bring myself to deserve someone like Bucky, with his flaws and all, but seeing him gave me hope; if he could survive superhuman treatment in Russia, I could survive anything. I loved him more than a friend, but I knew that something like that could never happen. I didn't deserve to have a special spot in his life especially after what I said. 

~

I awoke to hot rays of sunlight coming through the small window that lead to the outside world. I wanted to go outside. I rubbed my eyes and stretched, but when my eyes focused I realized the sun was gleaming off something metal. Not just something metal, a metal arm. I sprang up and threw the blankets off of me in a panic.  
“Christ, you scared the shit out of me!” I yelled. “What the hell, Bucky? I thought I told you to stay away.”   
His eyes met mine and he murmured, “I know something is wrong. In all the years I’ve known you, you’ve never treated me like that. You and Steve always treated me as something human even after HYDRA and Zemo.” I sighed. It was so incredibly hard to lie to someone who knew all my tells and my behavior. He knew when I was lying, even when there were no holes in my ploy. He got up from his seat on my desk and walked over to me, brushing my hair to the side to look at my neck. “What happened…?”   
“It’s nothing,” I lied, pulling my hair back over. “Paul and I were… messing around and got a little rough with the choking.” Bucky eyes turned dark and I knew I was treading on ice with the Winter Soldier. “That’s all, Bucky, I swear.”  
“Then why did you sleep here? Why not sleep at home?” he asked. That was a question I didn’t have an answer to. My silence brought on more questions. “Stop lying to me.” Bucky grabbed my arm fiercely and I flinched. Flashbacks from the last week threatened my thoughts, almost inducing a panic attack. His eyes softened when he realized the Winter Soldier was scaring me. “What happened? Please tell me, doll.” I couldn’t keep this from him any longer. His pleading eyes kept breaking my heart over and over again. “You can trust me.”  
I swallowed and spoke quietly, “Okay. I’ll tell you but please keep this between us.” He nodded. “And the Winter Soldier needs to stay in check.” He nodded again, taking my hand in his and leading me to the couch. “I need to break up with Paul.” Bucky stared at me, those ice blue eyes taking notes of my every movement. “The… the bruises aren’t from us messing around. He… he changed.” As the weight of the situation took its toll, I could see that it was getting harder for Buck to keep the Soldier calm. I stopped, afraid of what might happen next.  
“Keep going,” Bucky pushed. “I can hold him back.”  
“He started getting angry with me and I know it had to be my fault because he was never like that before,” I explained. It had to be my fault. I remember the times when he was loving and when he could make me forget about what I felt for Bucky. At the time, Paul was more important than a super soldier. “A few months ago is when he laid a hand on me for the first time.” His body tensed again and I knew it was getting difficult to be Bucky Barnes. “Buck, I can stop. I don’t have to tell you this.”  
“Tell me,” he growled. “I want to know what this prick did to you.”  
I was scared he wouldn’t be able to hold on to the Soldier, but he told me to proceed. “He started… he started hitting me more frequently over things like being at work late, when he had a bad day, the way that - that I dressed. I just… I took it, James,” I cried. His first name was sacred; it was something we used when I needed his full attention. He pulled me into his chest holding me tightly. “I just don’t know what to do. He knows where I work. He could find me here.”  
“Do you really think that he would be able to make it through all of the heroes here to get to you?” Bucky asked. “Do you really think he would be able to make it through me?”   
“I have nowhere to go,” I said. “That’s why I slept here. I wasn’t safe anymore. All of this is my fault.”  
“No,” he spoke. “None of this is your fault. None of it. Look at me.” He lifted my chin up to face him. His eyes were filled with sorrow for me. “You don’t deserve what he did to you. You never deserved anything he did to you.” I nodded, slowly. I knew James was right. “I can’t let you stay here.”  
“What else am I going to do?”  
“You’re coming with me.”   
“What if Paul finds me, what if he finds us?”   
“He’ll have to go through me.”   
Bucky pressed his lips roughly against mine. His protective mindset towards me wasn’t because he was my best friend; it was because I was more than a friend. My constant state of anxiety disappeared and for the first time in awhile I felt safe. Paul wouldn’t be able to touch me with Bucky around; he wouldn’t let it happen.   
“I love you, James,” I murmured, tears slipping down my cheeks. “I’ve always loved you. I wish I admitted it earlier.”  
“I love you, too,” he replied. He was still holding my head in his hands, making sure I understood the plan. “We’re going to go to your place and get your things, then I’m taking you to my place. It’s just me, no one else.”  
“I have a lot to move,” I told him. “We won’t have enough time while Paul’s at work.”  
“We’ll get Cap and Thor to help us,” he suggested. No. I don’t want anyone else to know. “We won’t tell them what happened, just that you broke up and need help moving your stuff.”  
“Steve saw me last night,” I admitted. “He knows I’m here.”  
“That’s fine,” Bucky assured me. “I’ll tell him you just needed a minute before asking for help.” I nodded. “Now, let’s go. Paul’s going to be at work.”   
When the four of us pulled up at my apartment, the deal was it was going to be an in and out type of mission. Take most of my things and then to Bucky’s we go, but both Steve and Thor couldn’t get it through their heads that I was moving in with Bucky for the time being. Maybe it was because they didn't want to believe that I was moving in with Bucky.  
“What do you mean this is all going to Barnes’ place?” Steve asked. “I just don't see how Buck could be moving in with a girl like you.   
“Steve, I’ve told you at least four times that I’m moving in with Bucky because I broke up with my boyfriend,” I repeated. The idea of Bucky having a roommate would be the most shocking thing of this whole week.  
“Ah, I seem to understand what she is saying. The girl and Mr. Barnes will be taking part in a mutual space of operation,” Thor added. No shit. “Is it possible that they are courting? Are you?” I began to blush. I wasn’t sure what Bucky and I were, but courting was definitely not the word I would use. “You know, I was never steady with anyone on Asgard, I was too busy being the God of Thunder. Congratulations Bucky.”  
“I can’t tell if you’re complimenting me or insulting me,” Bucky murmured. “Let’s get in and get out.” I unlocked the door and they made their way inside.  
Bucky hesitated outside the door. My hand brushed his right arm and I asked, “Hey, you okay?”  
“I just can’t stop thinking about how this is where he hurt you for months and no one said anything,” he muttered. I was beginning to feel afraid again, but I had to be strong for Bucky. “I can’t stop thinking about how no one ever did anything. How I never did anything.”  
“You couldn’t have known,” I assured him. “Come on, we can talk about this later. I just want to get out of here.” The moving went by fairly quickly, especially with two superhumans and a god. However, I couldn’t stop staring at places in the house where I had been hurt. I also could see places where I had to plaster over holes in the wall from Paul’s fists. How had I not noticed this behavior? Why did I let it get this bad? Bucky’s words resonated with me. It was not my fault. As much as I tried to blame myself for it in an attempt to defend Paul, I knew I couldn’t have done anything to stop it. Moving my things out with no call or text was my way of ending things. Paul didn’t deserve a real goodbye.  
I tried to stay out of the way as my boys moved through my things and took them to the moving van. Bucky’s expression kept changing the more I saw him. He was probably thinking about the events that happened here, the things that he couldn’t stop. He looked darker each time he walked through the hallway. Winter was begging to come out and that was something I did not want to see. Seeing Buck that angry would only make things worse in my head. Steve began to notice something too, because he kept asking if Bucky was okay.   
“I’m fine,” Buck growled. “I just want to finish this and go home.” His voice had almost  
changed. He didn’t sound like himself. It was getting difficult for him to hold on, but I believed that he could handle a few minutes more. Bucky was strong; he wasn’t someone who would just let go for the hell of it.   
After everything was moved out, Bucky started pacing the hallway with a dark look on his face. He kept clenching and unclenching his left fist. He was going to lose control of the Winter Soldier and someone had to stop it, but I was too scared to even get close to him. Suddenly, I heard him yell something - it sounded like Russian - and he started throwing punches into the wall. Captain and Thor started running into the house as I pushed myself farther back into the wall.  
“Why didn’t I do anything?” Bucky yelled. “I should’ve fucking known!” Holes began to clutter the walls. “I swear if I ever see that son of a bitch I’m going to bash his fucking face in!” Steve and Thor grabbed Bucky and put him into a hold to stop him from creating more holes in my walls. Images flooded my head. It started out as images of Paul’s abuse and then my brain twisted them to put Bucky into his place. Bucky turned into the monster I feared.   
Bucky noticed me sobbing against the wall while I looked at him in fear. He ran over to me and crouched down in front of me to pull me into his arms. I pushed and shoved as hard as I could into his chest as pictures of him hurting me infiltrated my thoughts. He murmured, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Doll, please stop.” A panic attack was on its way, but I couldn’t do that in front of my other two friends. “I’m sorry. I promise I’ll never do that again. I’ll keep Winter calm.”  
“I keep seeing you - Winter - hurting me,” I cried. “I can’t do this again, Winter would kill me I can’t…”  
“Look at me,” Bucky pleaded. My tears caused my vision to blur but I did my best to look at him. “I will never hurt you. I would never hurt you. If I did, I wouldn’t allow myself to be on this Earth.” He pushed the hair out of my face and whispered, “Please know that.” He gently placed his lips onto my forehead and I could feel my heartbeat slow. “I love you. I will always protect you.” He lifted me off the ground and carried me out like I was one of the moving boxes. He placed me into the backseat of the van and sat down beside me. He stroked my hair softly whispering things about how hard he would fight to protect me and that no one would get through my Winter Soldier.   
Moving things into his house was a whole other ordeal. It wasn’t like any of them would let me help in the moving process, so I just stood awkwardly in the corner until there was something for me to organize. By the time Thor and Captain America left, Bucky - with my permission - filled them in on his outburst at my old place. They seemed to understand and Steve promised he would talk to Tony about upping my security at work. Steve wanted me to feel safe despite the fact I was surrounded by heroes.   
I sat down on Buck’s bed and looked around. Besides the furniture there wasn’t a lot to show that a human lived here. After Russia, everything Bucky really enjoyed was toned down to background noise. There was still a lot for me organize and make my own, but there wasn’t time for that today. I was exhausted. I heard rustling around in the other rooms so I figured Bucky was already moving some of my stuff around, like my dresser. He was going to have to figure out somewhere to put it the bedroom.   
The bed itself was basically bare. There was one blanket that covered white sheets with two pillows. One blanket is not enough for me especially with a cool metal arm that could touch me in the night. I pulled myself to my feet and made my way to my box of blankets and pillows. Bucky watched me for a second instead of working on moving the heavy furniture. He said to me, “I’ll be back there in a minute. I just want to finish moving your things. We can really organize it tomorrow.” I nodded, wanting to have him hold me. I wanted to feel safe. I threw the blankets on the bed, spreading them out. I placed the pillows on both sides of the bed and then pushed myself into the spot next to the wall.   
Bucky came into the room and I sat up to watch him strip off his t-shirt. He was glistening with sweat from moving things. It was shocking to see him so vulnerable. The metal arm had an abrupt edge to where it met his skin, but you could still see the muscles working together. The scarring was intense, so intense that it almost scared me. I knew he had scarring, but I never knew the extent. In all of the years I had known him, I never saw the scars. He always tried to keep them hidden so he wouldn’t be reminded of the events that made him superhuman. When I stopped staring, he had changed into a pair of sweatpants before climbing on to the bed to sit with me.  
“Thank you,” I said. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”  
“Anything for my lady,” he replied, taking my hand into his and kissing it lightly. The man from the 1940s was making an appearance. He still was human despite his mistakes. His humanity was a big part of him that he thought he lost when he became the Winter Soldier. We worked to bring back parts of that humanity he desired, even when he believed most of it was lost. The Winter Soldier was something he never wanted or asked for, but it gave me him today. Without Bucky, I don’t think I could have left Paul. “Is there something you want to talk about?”  
“What if Paul tries to find me?” I whispered. It was a question that was still bugging me. I was afraid because if Paul caught me alone, he could kill me. He could take me away from Bucky. “What if he catches me alone?”  
“If he tries to find you, he’ll have to go through me,” he assured me. “He won’t be able to touch you again.” He sighed, taking in the situation once more. “I’m going to make sure that you’re safe when I can’t be around and Steve is already working on increasing your security at the office.” He looked at me with those eyes again, waiting for me to speak or cry. Instead, I reached out to touch his shoulder scars. They were risen, but still maintained the soft texture of old wounds. He flinched when I did, but his body relaxed when I didn’t immediately pull away. I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into me. He held me tightly against him, his warm body taking me in and making me a part of him.  
“James, I can hear your heartbeat,” I whispered.  
“That’s the last human thing about me,” he murmured. “But let’s not talk about that.” It hurt to know that he sees himself as less than human. He never asked for any of this. It was quiet for a moment before James got very serious and said, “Show me where he hurt you.”  
“I don’t think you want that,” I told him. “I don’t think you need to see that.”  
“I want to,” he insisted. “I want to know what he did.” I shook my head. “Please. I can’t keep pretending like I don’t want to know what he did to you. I have to know.” I hesitantly lifted up my shirt revealing the dark bruises on my ribs and back. He caught his breath when he saw the discoloration of my usually pale skin. There is no hiding anymore. Hiding is no longer an option. “I can’t believe he did this to you.” He wasn’t fighting back against the Soldier anymore. It was like the shock stunned the both of them.   
“It’s okay. I could take it,” I murmured. “This one was definitely the worst, though.” He cocked his head to the side in confusion. “There were other times...” his eyes grew weary, “but this one was different.”  
He placed his lips on my shoulders, lightly kissing the marks. “I swear, I will never let something like this happen again.” This is how he would make his promise known. He wanted to make sure I held him accountable. He pushed me carefully into the bed so he could kiss his way down my body.   
“What are you doing?” I asked. I couldn’t understand why he was kissing every part of me. It wasn’t going to take away the pain or the memories. It wasn’t going to change what had happened.  
“I want to make you feel beautiful,” he murmured. “I want to take away what these mean and turn them into something better.” He dressed my body in kisses before coming back to my lips. Steel blue eyes connected with mine and I felt invincible. Nothing could touch me. “You’re my girl.” He placed his lips on my neck, careful to avoid nipping me too hard. “You saved my life. It’s my turn to save yours.”  
“You already have,” I whispered. Our actions escalated from soft kisses to James stripping me out of my clothes, but he hesitated with his own. He wanted to be sure that I was comfortable. “James, I want to be yours.” Those five words changed everything.

~

Living with Bucky was paradise. I felt the safest I had in months despite some recent Paul sightings by security at work. He seemed to know better than to try to attack me at work, but was too lazy to follow me home. He wouldn’t be capable of recognizing my car since Bucky and I go in to work together. When Bucky was out on missions, I stayed with Wanda or Nat because Bucky wasn’t comfortable without a hero watching out for me. His feeling might die out soon, but until the Paul situation was dealt with it wouldn’t be changing.   
Waking up next to him was a blessing. It wasn’t like waking up to Paul. Most of the time he would groan and just leave without speaking a word to me. On the other hand, Bucky will wake up to treasure me until we really have to leave. It took a while to notice, but Bucky had some crazy feeling in that arm of his. The first time we went shopping for groceries together really showed me the amount of feeling he had in his left hand. He could easily test fruit for ripeness. It was astounding how something that seemed so cold was so sensitive.  
“Why do you use that hand?” I asked.  
“I feel human,” he murmured.  
Bucky decided to treat me to a special dinner as our first date as a couple. We kept things quiet for a while until Steve noticed the heavy looks across the room. He guessed pretty quickly that we were finally more than just best friends. Everything Bucky did for me made me want to do something special, even though it was just with a simple black dress that I mainly use for interviews. He deserved something that was different in our consistently extraordinary life. Bucky started dressing differently now too. He was almost more confident; he was confident enough to wear a suit for me. I was excited to see his confidence at one of its highest points.   
“You look so good, doll,” he complimented. He called me that so much that I was beginning to respond to the pet name more than my actual name. “I’m such a lucky man.”  
“Damn right,” I laughed. “I’m a treasure.” Living with Bucky showed me how I was supposed to be treated. I didn’t realize what I had been missing out on until I was treated like an actual goddess. Bucky was making improvements with controlling the Winter Soldier and becoming more like James Barnes again just in the few weeks that I had been able to be around. My bruises had healed, except for the love-bites that Bucky left on me to stake his claim. They were bruises that brought happiness rather than fear. “You don’t look bad yourself.” Bucky was still regarded as the infamous Winter Soldier, but he was beginning to embrace it. I wanted to show him off to the world; I wanted to show everyone that there was more to the Winter Soldier they’ve seen on TV. “I love you, Barnes.”  
“I love you, too,” he said.   
Parking in New York City was a pain in the ass, no matter how good you were at parallel parking. We ended up walking the rest of the way to the restaurant. Bucky’s fingers were laced in mine and I could see the hateful looks he received from some people, especially after the events with Helmut Zemo. There were people who believed he deserved to be in prison even though he wasn’t himself at the time. There was no way Bucky wasn’t seeing the stares.   
“Don’t mind them,” I told him, passing through crowds of people. “Right now, you’re James Buchanan Barnes, not the Winter Soldier.”  
“I’m always the Winter Soldier whether I like it or not,” he whispered.   
A block or two before we reached our destination, I felt like we were being followed. It was like there were eyes that were glued to me, but I couldn’t decide if it was my paranoia or I had a reason to be worried. I still had moments where I thought Paul would find me at Bucky’s and he would kill me as soon as Bucky left. I knew that it was incredibly unlikely that he would attack me in my home, but it still set my nerves on high alert whenever I heard sounds like footsteps that couldn’t be accounted for.   
I kept looking over my shoulder enough that Bucky started to notice. I didn’t want to tell him why I was acting so paranoid because I didn’t want to make this night awful. I didn’t want to lose all of the progress I had made getting over my fear of leaving the house. Bucky asked, “Are you okay, sweetheart? Is something bothering you?” That’s when I saw it. The blond hair, big bodied human behind us. I started to go into panic mode, but I couldn’t tell if it was actually him.  
“I…” I started. “I think I saw Paul.”  
“Are you sure?” Bucky asked. I shook my head. I wasn’t sure. There were so many people out and I really couldn’t guarantee that what I saw was actually Paul. “Let’s just get inside. He might lose us.” Bucky lead me through the double doors of our restaurant. “Barnes,” he said, checking into our reservation. We were lead into a booth that was in the corner away from the window. Sitting that far away would help keep us hidden. “I’ll keep an eye out, okay? I promise.” He reached across the table, taking my hands into his. Staring into his eyes was an easy way to calm down; within minutes my heart was back to its normal rate. He didn't doubt what I saw. He didn’t take my fear lightly. We ordered our appetizers, then waited patiently as I talked myself down from the height of a panic attack. Bucky appeared more calm too. He wasn’t constantly checking over his shoulder and the condescending looks weren’t as common in here. It was easier to stay calm because I hadn’t caught any sight in a while of what could have been Paul.  
“I’m going to run to the ladies’ room,” I told him. I was safe enough to do something on my own. “I forgot to go before we left.”  
“Okay darling,” he murmured. “Hurry back. I don’t want to have to start eating without you.” He flashed me a smile before I turned away from the table.  
I walked briskly towards the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and did my business before taking a moment to look at myself in the mirror. It was incredible what Bucky had done for me. I looked younger and my skin wasn’t suffering from the constant stress I had from living with Paul. Until I made it out of there I hadn’t realized how awful things actually were. I spent most of my time doing everything for Paul; I barely had time to blink. I was always cleaning, cooking and working because Paul couldn’t be bothered to do anything himself. With Bucky, I had time to do things that I enjoyed. I had friends again.   
I exited the bathroom and I thought I tripped into the wall, but I realized I was wrong when I felt pressure on my throat. I was so surprised that my eyes hadn’t totally focused - for a minute I thought it could be Bucky trying to get kinky in the bathroom - but as soon as the person spoke I knew it was nothing like that. He said, “Are you really trying to hide from me? You knew I would find you.” I had seen him. I knew I wasn’t crazy; he had been following Bucky and I ever since we got out of the car. “You’re spreading your legs for the…” He spat the next words, “... Winter Soldier. Do you think you’re special?” His grip tightened and my breathing became labored. I was suffocating. He was going to kill me. I was going to pay for running away. “I can’t believe you thought you could run off like that, you stupid slut.” He raised his hand and slapped me once, but I was too scared to make a sound.   
“I’m sorry,” I coughed. “I won’t do it again.”  
“Damn right, you won’t,” Paul threatened. “You’re coming back home with me and I swear if I ever catch you with him again, you will wish you never stepped foot out of the front door.” I prayed. I prayed that Bucky would think something was wrong and   
check on me. There was no one in this part of the restaurant. That’s why Paul picked this moment. He knew no one would be watching. “I might fucking beat the shit out of you right now for running off.” He raised his hand at me again and I stood there ready to take it. My head was spinning from the lack of oxygen and my cheek stung from the first hit but I was ready to take it again. I closed my eyes in anticipation; I didn’t want to look at the grin on his face when he hurt me.  
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing touching my girl?” Bucky’s voice rang out. He came to save me. My hero came to save me.  
“She’s mine,” Paul growled, pulling me in front of him as a shield. “She’s always been mine.” He knew Bucky wouldn’t try to hurt him as long as I was in the middle of them.   
“I don’t want to fight you,” Bucky replied, “but I will if I have to.” His left fist was moving from clenched to unclenched. The Soldier was on high alert, ready to spring into action as soon as he could get a shot in.  
“I’m sorry, just what exactly do you think you’re going to do?” Paul asked, egging Buck on. “If you think you’re going to lay a hand on me, you’re dead wrong.”  
“Like how you laid a hand on her?” Bucky retorted. This set Paul off because he shoved me into the wall to get up into Bucky’s face. Bucky stood his ground; Paul wasn’t a threat to him. Nothing was a threat to him anymore.  
“What the fuck did you just say to me?” Paul yelled. Bucky didn’t bother to answer before he took Paul to the ground with one punch. Paul began to stand back up and Bucky responded with more overpowered punches to Paul’s face and chest. I stood, frozen in place, as I watched the man I loved fight my abuser with everything he had, everything he could release without killing him. He didn’t need another reason for the public to dislike the Winter Soldier, especially over me He threw Paul down the hallway and started to kick at him. I would be surprised if Paul had the courage to get up.   
“Get behind me,” Bucky growled to me, as he picked Paul up by the shirt with his metal arm and slammed him up against the wall hard enough to leave broken areas in the drywall. “Take this as a warning.” Paul’s nose had to be broken and he was bleeding from somewhere in his mouth. Paul was stuck, open-mouthed, staring at Bucky in disbelief. “If you ever come near my girl and me ever again, you will get a hell of a lot more than a broken nose. Next time, I won’t hesitate to put you in the ground, no matter what consequences I would have to face afterwards.” He released Paul’s shirt and Paul went running towards the entrance holding his nose.   
Bucky turned to me, shaking off the last bit of the Winter Soldier that was still coursing through his veins. He whispered, “Are you alright?” I nodded slowly. He raised his hand to my reddened cheek and ran his thumb over it. “I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner.”  
“No,” I whimpered. “You got here just in time.” He pulled me against him, allowing me to nuzzle into his chest. “He was going to kill me.” His body stiffened, probably because he thought of the idea of Paul even touching me again.   
“He’s gone now,” James murmured. “He’s never coming back. He’ll have to go through Winter and me again. I think he learned his lesson the first time.” He draped his arm over me and walked me back out to the dining room. He asked for our food to go, saying something about how I had started feeling sick, before taking me back to the house.   
He wrapped me up in blankets on the bed before bringing me the food we had ordered. I slowly took bites into mine and he watched me intently. His gaze was trying to break into my head, trying to understand what I was feeling. Conversely, I felt his worry that he wasn’t good enough for me and that it was his fault Paul got a hold of me again. It was so easy to see partial defeat in his behavior. I had to say something.  
I whispered, “James, it’s not your fault.”  
“I know,” he murmured. “There’s nothing I could have done differently.” He looked up at me, those blue eyes taking me in. “I promised to protect and love you. That’s what I’m here to do.” The love he felt for me as he said, “I love you.”  
“I love you, too.”  
For the first time in a long time, everything felt right in my world. Life was balanced again, despite the horrors of the last few weeks. On the brightest side of events, James Buchanan Barnes was mine to have and hold as long as I was alive. I knew that he would do everything in his power to protect me even if it stepped outside of the Accords. He would stop at nothing to keep me safe.


End file.
